“No mommy! You’re wrong! The sky is blue! It’s sunny today mommy!” My four year old yelled in the car after I casually pointed out that it looks like a cloudy day (despite some sunshine). “Oh?” I said as I stifled a laugh “It looks like a clear day to you? Usually it IS sunny on a clear day”. My kid was ready for an argument. When my child disagrees, I needed to remind myself to take it easy.
“You were wrong. I was right” she said emphatically, but no yelling this time.
“Mm hmm” I murmured, biting back the temptation to correct her.
Guys. I HATE being wrong. I hate letting it go when I know I’m right. But that’s exactly what I have to do as a her parent. Some days are easier to see the humour in this. Other days – especially when I’m sleep deprived – I get more easily exasperated with the needless questioning. We are right in the thick of the disagreeing stage and often it can feel like a never ending argument. It can be exhausting. A quick google search tells me this is completely age appropriate.
I take a deep breath (or a few) and remind myself that our kids are supposed to disagree with us. It’s their JOB. At four years old this tiny little human is already trying to assert herself as an individual with her own thoughts and opinions and even knowledge. Often times this means my child is disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing.
Like this topic? Check out this post by fellow blogger on having a strong-willed, spunky, independent, dramatic diva for a daughter. You’ll be laughing and nodding along.
Do I wish that my kid trusted that I know best and deferred to my knowledge and logic? Do I wish she just listened without questioning Every. Single. Thing. I. Say? OF COURSE. Do I get frustrated that I have to explain myself to a 4 year old all day long? I sure do. Do I silently roll my eyes when my child disagrees? Oh yes. No matter how much I know this is normal. Some days I struggle to remember.
But then I hear her telling a friend something I explained to her and it warms my heart. I see her treating her sister with kindness using the words I taught her and I feel proud. I catch her saying “MY mommy says…” and it makes me smile. No matter how much she disagrees and argues with me, I know she listens. When she thinks that I am not watching, she still hears my voice. Most days that’s enough.
I’d love to hear from you. Is your 4 or 5 year old in the thick of the disagreeing stage? How do you cope?
Don’t forget to check out my post about my internal struggle with becoming a mom cliche
My daughters are not here yet but my niece is and let me tell ya, it is EXASPERATING! I love her to death, truly, but some days it’s really hard to be patient (my twins still do not sleep through the night and I am usually very tired in the morning). I have to constantly remind myself that she is 4 and this stage is normal and healthy and that, as her aunt, I want to set a good, loving example for her. I often explain this to her when I’m at my wit’s end, that I just need a little time to find my patience again.
same here! We have the “mommy doesn’t have a lot of patience right now” talk when I feel like I’m going to snap at her. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t
My 3yo is killing me with his “no, mama”. I really try to be patient. Most of the times. When I have a bad day he only hears “ok”, but then as you noticed, that’s the way they are talking to their siblings and friends. So I’m trying some more 😉
for sure! Sometimes I hear her say things in my not-so-patient voice to her sister or stuffed toys. It’s definitely a good lesson in what I can sound like when I’m not so patient!
Oh yes we have those days where everything is a disagreement. We have learned to pick and choose our battles. It is the best.
Kate| A Hundred Affections says
Makes it worth it, doesn’t it? When you see what they have learned! Lots of patience, but it’s so worth it!
it does feel nice to see that. Also a good reminder that they are ALWAYS listening, even to the stuff I don’t want them learning.
Lorraine Smyth says
What a nice piece. My daughter is 19 months and says no all the time lol. I feel she will disagree with me a lot, she is very determined, but I love that.